A peek behind the veil

Hi everyone,

I wanted to start this topic to share my thoughts, feelings and reflections on what I find deeply meaningful. I was also hoping that it could spark a simple campfire-sharing on how you got where you are in your life, and how your views have changed over the years.

I grew up in a pentecostal family, which to everyone else just means that I was “super” christian growing up. I really wanted to believe in God, and I read the bible a lot and prayed. I mostly lost that zeal after being deeply depressed, and realizing I couldn’t pray my way out of it.

Meeting the heathens and not feeling that wooly safety of God, was very, very scary. It also felt very liberating, but I also noticed that I did not fit into partying or getting drunk. I felt smaller in the world, but I also had more control. I still felt different, as I didn’t know a lot of the ‘codes’ in secular society.

I joined the Future in our hands organization for a couple of years, meeting a lot of people interested in climate-change and sustainability. I was terrified and felt stuck in the helplessness of thinking that whatever I did, it would never be without a cost. The food I ate, the life I lived, it all had a cost on nature, social costs and a cost on myself. I also noticed many similarities between preaching about God and Jesus, sin and hell, and how climate change was portrayed. It put me off as time went on.

Gradually I let my feeling of helplessness go, and managed to focus on myself, the one person I thought I could actually change. I met a long-time practitioner of Non-violent communication, and was mesmerized by her congruency, how she expressed non-aggression and assertiveness at the same time. I didn’t feel ready to practice it though, as to me it was a theory very hard to apply.

Lastly, I met my life-partner. That has been another paradigm-shift, but this time it felt more like really coming home. Not wandering throught different modes of being, but reaching a altitute where I am at peace and aiming to settle down and actually build something. Walking through pain, suffering, pure joy and healing together… And understanding how limited my own understanding of the world has been. It has been groundbreaking. Spiral Dynamics has been a useful theory to mirror some of the visions and dreams we have. Even though it is a mostly dry and theoretical framework - I like how similarly to my different paragraphs here, there are points in life on which the perspective might radically change.

For the future, I want to find other explorers, people that can and want nothing more than to work on visions that reach far into the future, and see deep connection as part of that. I want to share life with them, deeply, like astronauts on a long trek to a new and unexplored star. I also want to develop my underdeveloped abilities, things like practical things - Permaculture, programming - but also being emotional, vulnerable and more structured. Having understood how vastly life can change, but also understanding and connecting with myself more deeply - I know that there are possibly very few people able to genuinely share this meta-journey with us. There is an expectant sorrow there, that is existential and goes into my bones. This was a peek behind the veil from me. Anyone want to go next?


Hi @Humm1lity, letting you know that I just added the tags “values” and “stories” to your topic! We’re trying to keep this forum pretty organized, so if you can add relevant tags to your future topics, we’d appreciate that participation. You can learn more about adding tags in our Getting Started document! I hope this helps bring people to your discussion as well. All the best.

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Thank you for sharing and opening this discussion. I’m searching for visionaries and dreamers and would love to talk to you sometime, hopefully we will connect through this discussion, I hope others will join in.

I am very liberal in my beliefs now but was always curious about the Christian religion and went to a lot of different churches. I became a Jehovah’s Witness because of their beliefs about world politics, consumerism, and helping with restoration of the earth. It took a long time to realize that they were like everyone else, dependent on and perpetuating the very things they were condemning, and that everyone was waiting for someone to save them rather than realizing we already have the tools to do it ourselves. There is no lack, only mismanagement.

So, I walked away from everything and the past 10 years I’ve been on a journey of traveling and trying to figure out where I belong.

I have a lot of controversial beliefs, including the 12-step program becoming controlled opposition…I have lived with addicts and have worked in addiction rehab so know a little bit about the dis-ease. Initially it can be a good thing, but I am a firm believer that we need to step out of our old stories and start conversations about visions and dreams.

I’m not sure what it is I do but I have felt like an alien on this planet since I was 3 and realize now that it’s probably because I live close to the spectrum, I need a lot of time alone, and my brain doesn’t think in abstract numbers, so I guess right now with the planned economy collapse, I am grateful I don’t understand a system based on numbers.

I have a knack for inadvertently helping people change thoughts (not always a good thing), seeing trends, and manifesting stuff (be careful what you ask for).

About this time last year, I was still living out of my car and feeling defeated after recovering from a man enhanced dis-ease and then finding out who had bought farmland in the Harquahala Mountains in AZ. I have never been a competitive person but at that time I told whoever is hearing my prayers to find a way to help me get land of my own and prove that bastard and his oligarch friends wrong. Of course, I felt delusional because I had lost what little savings I had and lost my perfect credit score for the 3rd time due to illness and a feckless judicial system. A few months ago, in a very unexpected way, I was able to find a private loan and now am the sole owner of land with a well in the middle of the Aquarius Mountains…the first time I walked on it, I realized I was in the middle of a dream I had about 5 years ago. The only thing missing now are the people who see the vision and ready to act on it…I still feel delusional…